project 365 – day 20: you can’t always get what you want

Don’t you ever just want to go ahead and do something that you really wanted to do without a care in the world?  Without giving a flying fuck as to what people will think?

Sometimes, don’t you just want to go for broke and just do it?

Whether it’s something reckless, something fun, something important only to you and nobody else.   

But you don’t because you think it over.  But you don’t because you think about other people’s feelings.  You think about the damage it will do.  You think about how it will really affect you.  You think about how it might hurt others.  You think about the consequences –potential or actual.

So you don’t do anything.  

Because in the long run, you’ll just regret doing it more than you’ll regret NOT doing it.

And life goes on.

project 365 – day 19: not a daddy’s girl, not anyone’s girl!

The Lil Chick (aka Lil C) is so not a daddy’s girl.  At least not yet.  I thought all daughters were daddy’s little girls, no?  My baby girl just started to like the hubs.  Prior to this month, she had a love/hate relationship with him and we have no idea why.  (Well, I secretly think it’s because I breastfed her too long and he didn’t get to feed her during her first 6 months of life, but that’s just me…)

Nowadays, she actually cuddles up to him (and not just because he has something she wants –like a cookie or something).  Now, she actually lets him kiss her and hug her without bargaining, lol!  I’m hoping this will blossom into a nice, close, father-daughter relationship.  Maybe he can finally handle her. 

Lil C (who will be 2 years old on Feb 15th) is certainly a handful.  She’s sweet and all that.  Like the other day, she gave me a bunch of kisses and said “Mommy, gorgeous!”  BUT, she’s also a terrible diva who has started to yell (a lot!) and throw tantrums.  She’s such a precocious little girl who knows exactly what she wants.  She will yell “I DON’T WANT IT!” if I put something in front of her that she doesn’t like.  For example, I’ll give her chicken fingers for dinner.  She will yell “I DON’T WANT IT!”  What do you want then?  She’ll yell “RICE!!!” at the top of her lungs.  GAH!!

She’s also picky with her clothes.  “WANT DOGGIE SHIRT!!!” or “WANT BLUE SHOES” (even though she means her brown boots).

She’s also picky with the books I read at night.  “WANT ROBOTS!!” (meaning this counting book with robots) or “NO!! I WANT MONSTERS!” (meaning “Where the Wild Things Are”)

If she’s like this at almost-2, then help me when she reaches her pre-teens…

project 365 – day 18: the search for a cheaper daycare

I am trying to look for a new pre-school/daycare for the kids.  The cost of daycare has really been crippling me.  I keep telling myself that there’s only a  year and a half to go before Rockstar Boy enters FREE kindergarten, but it still hurts.

Right now, I am paying $1820 a month for both children.  Some of you may think it’s too much or cheap, but it’s actually a reasonable price compared to several other places/regions.  I am in charge of paying childcare costs so it comes directly from my paycheck (that’s just how we divide things).  In order to pay this amount, I have to use an entire paycheck, plus a little bit of the next paycheck.  I get paid bi-weekly, so I really have to watch my money.  The hubs doesn’t believe me when I say I don’t have money left over for savings, but I really don’t.  I have money taken out for my pension and my ROTH IRA, and everything else goes directly to bills.  This is why the week of payday, I start to get reminders from my bank that I have a low balance.  Yeah, no shit Sherlock!

So anyway, I’m trying to look for a cheaper daycare.  There are several options for me, but they are near my work.  The problem with that is the hubs will not be able to pick the kids up if I can’t; and I don’t want to be the only parent to pick them up all the time.  So I’m trying to concentrate on schools near our area.  I found a Catholic school super-close to me, but the problem with that is that there are a lot of hidden costs.  Aside from the 10-month tuition, I have to pay for aftercare, their uniforms, extra activities, etc.  In the long run, it is cheaper –divided by 10 months.  But then I have to pay extra for a summer session!  I’m also a bit reluctant to pull them out of a familiar environment.  Hm…what to do?

I guess I just have to hope for a raise come September!  Or actually work a part-time job since we are now allowed to hold outside employment.

Starbucks, here I come!

project 365 – day 17: do you ride hard or hardly ride?

I used to snowboard with regularity pre-kids.  Having kids doesn’t mean you can’t snowboard, but I just haven’t had the chance these past few winters.  For one, they don’t make maternity snowboarding pants –and I was pregnant for 2 winters.  And secondly, we weren’t used to just leaving the kids for a weekend to go up VT or even upstate NY –they were just too young (and we were just too nervous as parents!)

But I was watching the Winter X Games over the weekend and have been bit by the riding bug.  Even when winter first started, I told myself (and the hubs) that I’m going snowboarding this winter at least once!

I used to be quite competent.  I did tricks (or at least attempted to), and can pretty much ride really fast (at least until I fell really hard that one time and now ride with a lot of caution). 

So when I go riding again, I will definitely need to do a lot of practice runs before I can get into the swing of things.  But I want to do at least one rail before the mountain! 

The first thing I have to do is dust off my gear, wax and sharpen the board, and make sure I have all my snowboarding equipment.  I will be doing that this weekend!

And next winter season, I think I’ll be taking Rockstar Boy with me!  I have hopes that he’ll be the next Shaun White .

project 365 – day 16: architectural digest

The hubs and I have always had plans to renovate our home.  We live in a small house and we have had plans to expand, renovate, and change things around especially in light of the fact that we have 2 small kids who seem to take up an extraordinary amount of space.

Right now, our plan is to consult with architects to see what they can do to maximize the space we already have.  I’m very eager to see what he/she can draft up for our existing floor plan.  Ultimately though, we have to decide whether or not it’s cost-effective to fix up the house or just simply move.  “Simply moving” of course, requires buying a new house altogether and selling the old one.  Kinda hard to do right now, but still do-able.  Renovating will require us to move out, deal with contractors, deal with unexpected costs, and be stressed out for however long the project is going to be.

Part of me wants to stay where we are.  I love our location and the school system is excellent (important to us because we plan on utilizing the public school system).  I like our neighborhood and our neighbors.  I like how it’s close to the city and close to the things we need.  I like how it’s easy for people to get to.  If we were to move, there are only a few towns we would consider moving to and they are all in more affluent parts of the state (within our county).  I also joke with the hubs that I can only move to another town as long as it has a Starbucks.   Sometimes, the hubs and I even think of just moving to a totally different area or even a different state!

When we first bought a house, I was really so dumb about it.  My priority was that I wanted it to be in an area near public transportation so that my friends can visit me (and of course, so I can commute to school/work).  I was trying to be considerate of my friends who lived in the city (i.e. NYC).  Of course, years later, those “friends” and I have lost touch for a lot of reasons.   But  bottom line, the location was the most imporant thing to us.  

In any event, I am looking forward to our new home plans.   Things won’t happen for a while, but we are definitely working towards it.

project 365 – day 15: can i make this work?

In an effort to spruce up my work wardrobe, I’m trying to see if I can away with wearing more “daring” things.

Some background info:  I work in a courthouse.  You would think people would come to work in professional attire, but you should see some of our government workers.  Hello velour tracksuits.  With boots!  Or even denim!  But for the most part, it is a conservative field.  I wear mostly suits, dresses, skirt + cardigan combos, etc. 

So with that in mind…What do you think of these shoes paired with a black skirt suit?  Too “out there”?  Scandalous? Skanky? Unprofessional? Pushing the envelope? Fashionable?

project 365 – day 14: kat’s new goal

I have made the ambitious decision to NOT buy any new articles of clothing for myself until my credit card balances are ZERO. 

And I am not trying to make any exceptions.  My closet is ridiculously full of clothes that I really don’t wear anymore.  I need to weed it out, reinvent new everyday outfits, and just donate everything I don’t wear, or can’t wear anymore.  There are clothes in there that I can no longer fit into, and it’s high time that I suck it up and admit to myself that I will not fit into that size 0 dress anymore no matter how long it stays in the closet. 

I wear suits to work about 80% of the time, and I’m always after a new suit.  I am still looking for a new black, everyday suit (since my favorite has already become shiny at the sleeves from over-use), but other than that, I will NOT buy anything new for myself.  I simply don’t need it anyway.

Now, the hard part is actually doing what I just typed.

project 365 – day 13: the kids have left the building

My mom and dad just drove away with the children.   I should be instantly relieved and elated that I get to have the night off with just the hubs and I.  But I am not.  I am very nervous.  My dad is driving my car (cuz it had the carseats and we didn’t want to do any switching) and not me.  So now, I’m typing with nervous energy because I can’t feel relieved until they’re all home.  I have to know that they arrived safely at my mom’s house.

Am also worried because Lil C has been sick this whole week which culminated with her getting diagnosed with bronchial infection (i.e., bronchitis).  So she’s on antibiotics, a nebulizer, and Motrin in case her fever comes back.  But today, she seemed fine and lively.  So when my folks came by and then started talking about taking them, I took the bait.

It’s not like they’ve never taken care of the kids before, but I always feel like my way is the best way.  But I think all moms feel like that, right?  I’m going to wonder if my mom will follow my schedule or feed them or bathe them at exactly the time that I told her to.  Probably not, but I will not say anything.  She did raise me and my two brothers and all.  (Of course, with the help of a yaya or two). 

Okay.  Just breathe.  They’ll be fine.  It’s only one night.

Too bad the hubs and I can’t go out and party.  We are both feeling sickly courtesy of baby girl. 

The wild thing to do tonight is get 8 hours of continuous sleep and maybe sleep in until 8 am tomorrow morning.  Yay!

project 365 – day 12: music for the masses

I just discovered this site where you can create your own playlist and then share it! (Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.  Where have you been?!)

Anyway, take a gander and listen to what I’m listening to today.  I listen to all sorts of music (with a primary focus on rock & indie rock, with hip-hop & pop thrown in), so I think it’s a pretty eclectic mix.

Enjoy!

project 365 – day 11: did i ever tell you about the time i got into a fist fight on the subway?

It was a fight almost worthy of the “Jersey Shore,” a fight that happened when I was an adult of 22 years, and a fight that needed the assistance of a few Wall St. brokers to stop.

I just started attending law school, so this was about the fall of 1999.  I was at the platform of the A train in Washington Heights headed towards the World Trade Center.  The train just arrived and this woman and I were angling for the doors.  I body-checked her because she was raring to go in and kept hitting my arm, and she flat-out shoved me.  I looked at her and all she said was “stop pushing me.”  I told her “whatever,” gave her a dirty look and we both jostled each other to get into the train.

And so on we travelled down.  The A train is an express train that goes all the way down the length of Manhattan.  All this time we were sitting near each other in this crowded car.  By the time it got to my stop on Chambers Street, she was still there.  And I was still fuming at the way she shoved me.  What can I say?  I hold a grudge.

So on my way out, I stomped on her foot.  She got up like lighting and proceeded to flail her arms at me.  I blocked her and swung my backpack towards her (filled with thick-ass law text books).  She lashed out and scratched my arm, and I started to go into bitch-slap mode.  Well, I never got to hit her, cuz several men in typical Wall Street-broker suit-uniforms grabbed each of us and separated us.  I got out of the train yelling profanities at her, and she stayed in the car yelling profanities at me.  It all happened super-fast that I had a hard time remembering exactly what happened.  But I do remember the huge, red scratch on my left arm.

And so, that was my morning before I got to my 9 a.m. Torts class.  How apropos.