Archive for May, 2004

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Unsettled is how I feel at the moment. Like I’m w…

26 May 2004

Unsettled is how I feel at the moment. Like I’m waiting for something to happen, but I don’t know what. Like I’m on the verge of something….It’s weird. Or maybe I’m just PMS-ing?

Some random gripes that are contributing to that “unsettled” feeling:

1) Paying $50 for a full-tank of gas (premium). A full-tank for my gas-guzzling SUV used to be about $36 on average. Now, it’s freaking $50. Every week. $200 a month if the gas prices keep up. $2.15 per gallon. And what’s up with the stupid 9/10 of a cent crap that they pull?! Just put the freaking price down, and that’s that!

2) Seeing The Cure wasn’t like what I thought it would be. This is partly because of the setting. Most of the bands on the line-up were metal-rock, punk-rock groups and The Cure is just way more subdued than those bands. So they kinda didn’t fit in. Add to the mix a bunch of frat kids out from college drinking up a storm, hoochies who were just into primping and pimping, 90-degree weather, crappy bathrooms, dirt/mud everywhere, kids making out right next to you, and seeing the whole thing w/ the hubs who’s not into watching concerts as whole (let alone a music fest) = not the best experience in the world. Not bad, but not good. Overall, I liked Jay-Z’s, the Offspring, the Violent Femmes, and of course, The Cure’s performances. I just wish they played longer though.

3) I hate the feeling of not being able to help my victims at work. I don’t like it when they cry and ask what the hell needs to be done before the defendant gets locked up. It sucks. You just feel helpless.

4) Missed opportunities: Wish you took a risk back in the day, or did something you really wanted to but didn’t because you wanted to do the “responsible” thing. Or regretted something you did do and wish you could take it back? Well really, I think I just described life! It’s not that I am dwelling on the past at all, it’s about reconciling the choices you’ve made over time with who you are in the present and what it means to you and coming to peace with it. As for me, heck I wished I kept up with the guitar throughout college instead of stopping –I would’ve been kick-ass right about now –which also leads to my regret of not pursuing one of my dreams of being in a band. No really. I am serious. Lately, I’ve been thinking about just performing in small venues, etc. I know it’s not too late to do anything, but it is a hell of a lot harder now than then. But this is just me rambling of course…

5) Short weekends. The weekends are just way too short. Not enough time to do everything.

6) Eating like a fiend. Cupcakes, frapuccinos, Popeyes, sundaes..you name it. I’ve eaten all in a row day after day for this past whole week. There goes my cholesterol. My doctor’s going to freak. Have to stop going to Magnolia Bakery! Hm…and I bought 6 cupcakes today…well after I finish them, then I’ll stop buying them. Need willpower.

7) Biting your tongue. Out of propriety, I don’t say things as bluntly as I want. I can be feisty when provoked but don’t necessarily curse out people or even yell. It’s all about professionalism and being the better person. I wish I could just say shit without any consequences but of course, if I do, it’ll just create a mess. Or it may come back to haunt me one way or the other. Sometimes, I just wish I can blow up though…AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!

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The sun has come out! Last night, I went out to…

21 May 2004

The sun has come out!

Last night, I went out to dinner with Trish and Girlie. We tried this new joint called ‘inoteca –a fairly new joint in the L.E.S. that serves tapas-sized Italian fare. Good eats, drinks, and chatting. The dishes were very rich and delicious and just the right size. I had this vanilla gelato for dessert with espresso sauce –soo good that I forgot all my problems. Thanks for listening chicas! And shout-out to Girlie for those kick-ass shoes! I must get me some of those too!



Friends can make you feel so much better.
Shout-out to Karen for knowing exactly what to say, knowing exactly how I feel, and of course, making me laugh! Hot damn! You are good! Come to Miami with me! And yes, let’s stalk them!

And shout-out to Girlie again for being game to watching a concert with a band she hardly knows (in 2 different cities where we have to fly to!) just so I have someone to go with! She got my back like that….

The WHFS Festival is tomorrow! I saw the line-up and I’m so excited! I haven’t been to a concert since Shakira in 2002 (yes, I saw Shakira –whut? Jealous?! =). Anyway, they added the Violent Femmes and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (I didn’t see them in the line-up before). And the site also posted the set times so I know approximately when The Cure and Jay-Z will be playing! 7:35 for Jay, and 9:45 for The Cure. I know they’ll be playing for at least an hour, but I hope they extend it! The only thing I don’t like about these music fests is that I know it’ll be hot (high of 91 for D.C. is predicted tomorrow w/ isolated T-storms), it’ll be crowded, you have to buy all your stuff in there cuz no food/drinks are allowed and the prices with be jacked up, AND I’m short so I know I won’t see shit even if I get near the stage. But being in the same area where The Cure is going to be and hearing them live again is enough for me. Yeah, I know I’m a nerd.

It’s Friday, I’m in love! This is going to be a great weekend!

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Babble. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. S…

19 May 2004

Babble.

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up and let me breathe.” –Babble, The Cure

“Just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s there.” –There There, Radiohead

How can you feel sad for something that you haven’t thought about in so long? Is that even possible? Something lost way back then that you’ve forgotten you’ve lost it until you’re reminded of it and you start grieving all over again.

“There is nothing in this world, that I ever wanted more, than to never feel the breaking apart, my pictures of you.” Pictures of You, The Cure.

I came across some old pictures from junior high. Ridiculous hair. Ridiculous clothes. I was a nerd. Still am. But I can fake not looking like one. Pictures of me back then. I put them away.

Are you happy with your life? A friend wrote to me about a problem and said she envied my peaceful life. I do have a peaceful life. I shall not want. I’m taken care of in almost every sense I can think of –great marriage with a wonderful hubs, cute house, kick-ass job that I love that will be my career, generous parents, sweet in-laws, fabulous friends, everyone’s healthy, food, shelter, clothing. No drama really –unless you count that drama in the last 2 postings. I am happy.

The hubs and I will be celebrating our 3-year anniversary soon. Cool beans.

Yesterday was nice. Went to the Magnolia Bakery, got me some cupcakes, stopped by an indie bookshop and bought a book for myself and one for the hubs, strolled around a bit in this little park, then went to DJ class. Okay, class was hard yesterday, and it kept my mind off things which was great. We had to do “loops.” Loops are taking 2 of the same songs together and mixing them so you extend a break or intro, or phrase or whatever you want. So you have to cue in one record and keep going back and forth between them. Maddening. I gotta go practice today.

My stomach hurts. It’s always upset at some point in the week. At some point in the day. My doctor says I have IBS. Like Adrianna in The Sopranos but not the kind she has of course. There are many different forms. I’m supposed to go out tonight to practice DJ-ing and then have dinner with 3 girlfriends (one of whom will be moving away at the end of the month). But my stomach is really bothering me. I’m still debating.

I gave up red meat for a while. Haven’t had any for almost 2 weeks now. Fish and poultry. At least I still have my Popeye’s.

I wish I had a sister. An older sister. It sucks being responsible all the time.

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I have made a mess of things. On my previous post…

16 May 2004

I have made a mess of things. On my previous post, I talked about going to see The Cure with an ex-boyfriend. Bad mistake. His current girlfriend was extremely angry and the shit hit the fan to say the least. On top of all that, I realized one thing: that the ex-BF resented me after all these years. I e-mailed the ex-BF’s sister to ask if it would be cool to ask –she said yes. So I asked in the form of a short letter. The letter was very clear in regards to the Cure –there was hardly no superfluous topics in there. It’s basically doing small talk: asking how he was doing, etc., and then the concert. Well, his GF read it (as I expected she would) and e-mailed me. While she wasn’t out-right mean, she certainly said things that were totally unwarranted and completely judgemental: like how I blew my chances with him and who am I to try to get close to him again; how I shouldn’t expect to be his friend since I am his ex-GF who cheated on him; how I should never call, write, send anything in the future to his house.

I really, really hate it when people put words in my mouth and think I have some sort of ulterior motive and make judgments. First of all, my writing to him and asking to go see a concert DOES NOT EQUATE to me trying to get back with him. It’s been 8 freaking years! Don’t think so highly of yourself! Secondly, I’ve been happily married for almost 3 years now! I mean, me and this ex-BF broke up in late 1995/early 1996 –I was 19! That’s almost a decade ago with only sporadic correspondence in between. (And incidentally, this correspondence was initated by him so how am I to know he doesn’t want to hear from me ever?) So how his GF came to the conclusion that I suddenly want to get back with him is beyond me. And she doesn’t know how our relationship ended. To be honest, I don’t remember the specifics but we both knew things were already unraveling at a certain point. Cheating was not part of the picture. And besides, that was so long ago and we were so young! Who is she to say all these things now? Who is she to judge? Don’t get me wrong, I understand where she’s coming from (and I probably would be just as mad if I was her if an ex suddenly started talking to the hubs –but not enough to tell her off), but there was no need to attack me or my character. Very low blows. But I do know why she’s upset and I have no ill-will towards her. I’m just pissed at the moment. This is why I am venting.

Anyway, long and short of it is that I apologized for creating such a big-ass mess. Both sides have come to a truce a no-contact agreeement. Lesson learned: Never again will I do something as stupid as this. I said I would never ever contact him or his family again and I sure as hell mean it. It’s just not worth it even if I wanted to. I wish I knew there was all this bad blood between us still before opening my big mouth and sending a note. Perhaps I was being dense or whatever to think it was just as simple as “going to see a concert together” even though I realized there was a new GF in the picutre. I mean, even his sister who I correspond with (and I will wean off the correspondence w/ her as well) never mentioned that he resented me all these years. Had I known, then none of this shite would’ve happened. I should’ve left well enough alone. The hubs was nice enough to entertain the idea of me going to the concert with this ex-BF and I’m so happy that he is understanding (THANKS!). Me and my stupid ideas. Now I just opened myself up for some unecessary bullshite. Okay, over it.

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New template. As you probably have noticed, this …

13 May 2004

New template. As you probably have noticed, this blog has gotten a new look. Decided to try this new template I found in blogskins. I dig it. May change the colors at some point though.

Ghosts of Ex’s Past. I may be seeing an ex of mine. In particular, my highschool bf. We went out for a considerable amount of time. 4 and a half years I think. The last time I saw him was in March/April 1996 –I think. Can’t really remember. But I know it was before my junior year college. I went to L.A. on the way to Hawaii and stopped by to see him. It was weird and uncomfortable. There was still some tension going on. Then last time I spoke to him was in September 2001. He called after 9/11 to check up on me. I haven’t kept in touch with him at all. I am close to his younger sister (who incidentally named her baby after me) though. We keep in touch but we don’t talk about anything but her life. I was pretty close to their family in general, but our ties died as time went on. It happens. Here’s the kicker though: I recently got the idea of going to The Cure’s concert in Los Angeles (where he lives, where I used to live). And I thought why not go with him? After all, he was the one who introduced me to their music, and it would be like coming full circle since I went to my first Cure concert in L.A. So I asked his sister if she thought it would be cool to ask him –since we haven’t spoken in 3 years, I didn’t know if he even wanted to hear from me. Well she said it was most likely cool since he didn’t hate me, however, his current GF might be mad. The plot thickens: I didn’t know of this new GF, and I certainly don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. So I said, I’d invite BOTH of them to see The Cure w/ me. That’s where it stands at the moment. He hasn’t said yes or no nor have we had a conversation. This is all through a third party. Would seeing him again be a bad idea? Perhaps. I mean, why not leave well enough alone, right? Do I want to suddenly catch up with him again? Could I just be dredging up some old baggage? Of course. But I think of it this way: I’m older now, he’s older now, we can all be civil to each other. It’s not like it was a bad break-up. I do consider him a friend. I think it would be nice just to catch up as friends. We’ll see if he even says yes. Bottom line is I want to see my all-time favorite band with a person who appreciates them as much as I do. I asked the hubs if it was cool with him for me to potentially see my ex and watch a concert with him. He said it was cool. He said it was fine. I’d like to think so.

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More trials and tribulations. Monday was a bitch …

11 May 2004

More trials and tribulations. Monday was a bitch as usual. Even more so because I had 2 bench trials scheduled –both of which could’ve gone through. One trial in particular, involved consolidating 2 different cases. One is lesser 4th degree offense (which was assigned to me) and the other case was a 2nd degree sexual assault charge (among other charges, and this case was not assigned to me). Well guess what, I had to consolidate both cases on the order of the judge –so here I am plea-bargaining away for a more prison time on a case I have no business doing. Much more at stake here than the usual cases I do and I was scared of fucking up royally. I waited for the majority of the day…waiting with baited breath to see whether or not the defendant was going to accept the offer. I had to go back and forth 2 different court rooms and I was a mess. Well, the defendant eventually accepted the offer (5 years in prison) and I was really sad for him. I can’t really talk about the circumstances of the case, but it’s kinda like soap opera –sort of. I felt sorry for him. If I was him, I think I would’ve taken my chances with a trial.



Back fat.
I have back fat. I even have side fat. And I’m not even going to talk about other fat-ladden areas. Ugh. *shivers* I haven’t been going to the gym on a regular basis (like that’s a surprise) and I still eat the way I’ve been eating for the last 20 years or so (I didn’t really discover the joys of eating until I was 7 or 8 years old). So eating for hours on end + not moving my arse = back fat. I really need to tone up a bit especially since summer’s here so that I can fit into my summer clothes and be able to eat loads of ice cream and frappucinos. That and my doc has said that my cholesterol level is a bit high considering I’m only 27. It’s about 220 and I was told that normal should be well below 200? In any case… must lose 5 pounds at the very least. Bugger.

Curiosia. Well you don’t have to read this particular blurb if you’re not a Cure fan. But here’s the good news: The Cure has officially posted most of their North American tour dates! And to pay homage to them (and splurge a bit and act like I got no responsibilities), I am going to see 4 of their shows! Their first stop is in West Palm Beach and I’m so there! It’s about a 1.5 hour drive away from my folks’ place in Miami I believe. Then I will see them on July 31st in NYC (venue TBA) and on August 1st in NJ (1.5 hours away from me, almost in Philly!) Their last stop is supposed to be in Los Angeles on August 27 –I’ll definitely be there too as that is the city where I saw my very first Cure concert in 1992. So yes, I’ll definitely be splurging on these shows (who needs a dining table set when you can see The Cure?! =). Will also pay top dollar for them tickets since I never could afford them in high school and always end up getting the nosebleed seats.

DJ Ghetto-K update. So that is my official DJ name. Now, if I can only DJ properly, I’d be all set. It’s freaking hard to beat-match. I wish I had my own set of tables so I can practice at home. I hope I make some progress tonight in class.

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You know you: 1) Are old: when you’re out with fri…

6 May 2004

You know you: 1) Are old: when you’re out with friends drinking and chilling and you look at your watch and think “Damn, it must be late!” and realize it’s not even midnight and all you want to do it go to sleep but don’t get to go home until 2:30 am because you have to prove it to yourself that you still do go out and dammit, enjoy doing it! 2) Need to lose 5 pounds: when you have a hard time zipping up your pants, your stomach rolls over the waistline creating that “pooch” look, you have to suck in your gut when walking around, and you haven’t even eaten yet. 3) Are losing it at work: when you’re driving in the morning and you’re just hoping no one says “Good morning” to you and do the small talk crap before you’ve had your morning coffee; OR you realize you have a trial on Monday and you haven’t even talked to the victim or looked at the file in weeks; OR 3 different people hit you up for money for contributions cuz it’s someone’s birthday or going away party or someone’s sick or whatever and you do give and realize you’re broke with no lunch money and you don’t even know the person anyway; OR you do a favor for a defense attorney and give his client a break and all you get in return is a reprimand from the judge for being too lenient and get berated and look like an arse in front of everyone.

Hawaii in NYC: Last night, we celebrated my friend Trish’s birthday a couple of days early. We went to Waikiki Wally’s and I got semi-plastered. Well, not really, but their drinks were mad strong! I had a headache when I woke up this morning that lasted until after I had eaten lunch. The joint was phat –it was Hawaiian-themed and totally authentic looking. Makes you feel like you’re in Oahu when in fact, you’re right in the middle of the East Village and the rain is pouring outside. Food was yummy, and company was great. I would totally go back there again! It’s a fun place to go celebrate something. Check out Trish and Rol’s site for the pictures of the crazy night!

Last episode of FRIENDS Tonight: I didn’t really start watching the show until I moved to NY circa 1995. I first heard of the show via my high-school boyfriend who surprisingly, recommended the show as being “cool” even though he was a Goth-punk rocker slash starving artist. Go figure. Though I didn’t follow it from the beginning, the reruns have given me all the background and I’ve seen almost every episode. I like the show because it’s consistent in developing the characters. I like how they have these running jokes (e.g, “we were on a break!”) and you’re privy to all their secrets and their idiosyncrasies. I also love their “flashback to the 80’s” episodes and a lot of their witty dialogue (especially Chandler). The writing itself hasn’t been consistent (some jokes were flat-out sucky), but the show as a whole is very satisfying. It’s weird knowing that the show has been on for 11 years and it’ll be over forever! So you know I’m watching it tonight.

CONGRATS to my friends Jill and George for passing the NY BAR!