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I have made a mess of things. On my previous post…

16 May 2004

I have made a mess of things. On my previous post, I talked about going to see The Cure with an ex-boyfriend. Bad mistake. His current girlfriend was extremely angry and the shit hit the fan to say the least. On top of all that, I realized one thing: that the ex-BF resented me after all these years. I e-mailed the ex-BF’s sister to ask if it would be cool to ask –she said yes. So I asked in the form of a short letter. The letter was very clear in regards to the Cure –there was hardly no superfluous topics in there. It’s basically doing small talk: asking how he was doing, etc., and then the concert. Well, his GF read it (as I expected she would) and e-mailed me. While she wasn’t out-right mean, she certainly said things that were totally unwarranted and completely judgemental: like how I blew my chances with him and who am I to try to get close to him again; how I shouldn’t expect to be his friend since I am his ex-GF who cheated on him; how I should never call, write, send anything in the future to his house.

I really, really hate it when people put words in my mouth and think I have some sort of ulterior motive and make judgments. First of all, my writing to him and asking to go see a concert DOES NOT EQUATE to me trying to get back with him. It’s been 8 freaking years! Don’t think so highly of yourself! Secondly, I’ve been happily married for almost 3 years now! I mean, me and this ex-BF broke up in late 1995/early 1996 –I was 19! That’s almost a decade ago with only sporadic correspondence in between. (And incidentally, this correspondence was initated by him so how am I to know he doesn’t want to hear from me ever?) So how his GF came to the conclusion that I suddenly want to get back with him is beyond me. And she doesn’t know how our relationship ended. To be honest, I don’t remember the specifics but we both knew things were already unraveling at a certain point. Cheating was not part of the picture. And besides, that was so long ago and we were so young! Who is she to say all these things now? Who is she to judge? Don’t get me wrong, I understand where she’s coming from (and I probably would be just as mad if I was her if an ex suddenly started talking to the hubs –but not enough to tell her off), but there was no need to attack me or my character. Very low blows. But I do know why she’s upset and I have no ill-will towards her. I’m just pissed at the moment. This is why I am venting.

Anyway, long and short of it is that I apologized for creating such a big-ass mess. Both sides have come to a truce a no-contact agreeement. Lesson learned: Never again will I do something as stupid as this. I said I would never ever contact him or his family again and I sure as hell mean it. It’s just not worth it even if I wanted to. I wish I knew there was all this bad blood between us still before opening my big mouth and sending a note. Perhaps I was being dense or whatever to think it was just as simple as “going to see a concert together” even though I realized there was a new GF in the picutre. I mean, even his sister who I correspond with (and I will wean off the correspondence w/ her as well) never mentioned that he resented me all these years. Had I known, then none of this shite would’ve happened. I should’ve left well enough alone. The hubs was nice enough to entertain the idea of me going to the concert with this ex-BF and I’m so happy that he is understanding (THANKS!). Me and my stupid ideas. Now I just opened myself up for some unecessary bullshite. Okay, over it.

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