the ex-files, part 1: the asshole of my life

27 March 2007

Note: I’m recommending you read my previous post “I was a single white female” as an accompaniment/background to this post.

As many women can probably attest to, there’s always that guy, that asshole that you wish you can erase from your dating history. For me, that would be Feodor D— Yeah, I typed his name. Let him google himself and see this! *evil laughter* It wasn’t so much that he was an evil person. He just wasn’t a very nice one, to me at least, and it was a matter of just two people really, really, really not meant for each other but just staying together and coasting along for reasons unknown or forgotten.

Let’s see…I met him during the spring semester of my first year in college. He was actually a senior in high school visiting a friend (or rather, ex-girl). I thought he was very cute and flirted with him with my minimal flirting skills. (Aside: I was freshly broken up with my high school sweetheart and had been in a monogamous relationship since I was 15, so I really didn’t have any flirting skills). Anyway, we ended up going out and hanging out. In a few month’s time, we began to date.

It was a volatile relationship right from the beginning. We really didn’t have a lot of things in common. He had no interest in higher education, had no immediate goals in mind, and hadn’t even graduated from high school when we started to date. In the meantime, I was still new to NYC, was still in the process of trying to fit in (again, see previous post), and sort of depended on him to introduce me to new friends, new hangouts, etc.

So him, coupled with my plummeting self-esteem = disaster. I was constantly trying to prove to him that I was good enough, when it reality, everyone around us knew that he was the lucky one. Since he was not even in college and not working, I paid for everything –dinner, drinks, movies, shooting pool, and the general costs of hanging out. I also paid for our vacations. Like a trip to Hawaii. Yes, you read that right. I paid through a mix of my own money (because I had a part-time job), and a bit of allowance from my parents. He practically lived at my dorm much to the dismay on my other room mates. He never bought me anything, constantly mooched off me, constantly looked at other girls (I myself like to appreciate other women, but you have to throw a praise or two my way, at least!), and never made me feel loved and secure like my previous boyfriend did. And here’s the kicker: He even used my credit card to call phone sex lines and racked up a bill to the tune of $200+! What the F%#*!?! Yes, I took him back after that. It was Christmas time, after all. Me = doormat.

Why the hell did I stick around so long? The only thing going for us was the physical aspect of it all. Which is not much to go by. All throughout our relationship, I asked myself that question. Everyone told me I could do better (even some of his friends and his own mom said that!). I knew I could do better. I think deep down, I thought I would lose the new associations I made. He was my connection, and I felt I wouldn’t have all these friends or be part of “the scene” if I let go of him. At the time, I think I was co-dependent on him for my happiness. Part of me liked the challenge of trying to change him, taking care of him, mothering him. It made me feel needed, especially in light of the fact that I was still trying to find my own way in life. Does that make sense?

I ended up dating him on and off for about two years. Two years of my life wasted. And the last half of our relationship was spent trying to get rid of him. I finally got rid of him when I fell for this other guy at school and started seeing him on the sly. Yes I cheated. It took someone else who appreciated me to see the mess I got myself into. I told him it was over but he still came around, thinking he would win me back. When he found out that I cheated, he got so mad that he punched me on my thigh –leaving a bruise. He said he wasn’t sorry for doing it and would do it again because I deserved it. I was stunned and humiliated. And I never said anything about this to anyone except now.

Well that incident just about sealed the deal. After that, it was finally! over. Although for a few months after that, I would get his drunken calls in the middle of the night asking for me back. Such drama.

Now, I hear he’s doing well. He supposedly lives with his girlfriend in their own apartment and I hear he’s working in Wall St. Thank goodness I haven’t had the misfortune of running into him especially since I work in the city where he lives. If we did run into each other, I really don’t know what I would say. Other than maybe hit him up for money he owed me.

P.S. My latest review is up and running! Please check out: Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough



  1. Good riddance! Was he high on drugs when you were dating him or something? What an a**hole. Mooching and being a general loser is one thing, but hitting another girl is f**ked up.

    Want me to hit him back for you? 😉

  2. i would have gone into superlatives had i not caught myself in time. WTF man. you should’ve typed his entire name for all the world to see what a jerk he was.

    ARGH. you probably felt good after hitting that Publish button. 🙂

  3. Those two years were not wasted. You are who you are today because of your experiences, etc. Besides, when Jakey grows up you can teach him on how to treat women …
    ps. We all had those jerks at one point of our lives. My ex cheated, claimed he had a one-night stand, and got her pregnant!

  4. I just checked your review and it looks like we have the same last name….well, except for the “De Los” part. 😀 Anyway, it looks like your ex got what was coming to him — a job at wall st. Wait a minute, that’s not exactly a bad thing. where’s kharma???

  5. WIL:i know right?! what ever happened to what goes around comes around?! gah!

    KAREN:yup..i know…that’s why i said most women have an “asshole” in their past. but yes, it makes us who we are, def!

    TINTIN:yep, he’s an f’ed up bastard alright. the rage is all gone, but if we ever come across him together, def. hit him for me! =D

    ABBY: ha! his last name is DIAZ!! hear that world?! =D

  6. Glad that you get rid of that bastard. I think we all have our share of ex-bf/bastards.

    I think when you meet him by chance you should hit him up with the money he owes you… hahahaha

  7. It’s good you didn’t end up with that damn guy!

  8. ewwww how horrible!!!! any guy who isn’t sorry for hitting you is going to have karma coming back at him triple time. good riddance indeed!

  9. young love is almost always the craziest experience.

  10. My dear Katrina,

    Remember the day you broke up and told me in tears how bad you felt and how you were sorry if we didn’t remain friends now that you and him were broken up?? Even better, remember what I said to you??? Here’s a refresher just in case you forgot: “I’m not friends with you because of Feo. I’m friends with you because of YOU. Don’t worry Kat. Your real friends will still be friends with you after all this is over… and I’ll bet you’ve got more than you know.”

    Proud to say we’re still friends to this day (more than a decade later)!!! =)

    Think of it this way!!…. We never woulda met and gotten to be friends if it weren’t for Feo and…. um Juan and Pete and Phil and Rob and etc etc etc… Everyone (even the assholes) come into your life for a reason… and yes, believe it or not, there’s something good that can always be drawn from it. (e.g. Mr. John Corleone is another asshole, but look what I got outta that one…. Antonio – the best thing that ever happened to me!)

  11. Oh jeez, Feo HIT YOU? That’s too messed up for words. I can understand guys yelling or calling names, but hitting? I draw the line. I would have called the police on that mofo (after being shocked, of course). AND I would have told his mother — see what kind of boy she raised. Glad you’re far away and long gone from THAT.

  12. Asshole is an understatement, Kat.

  13. You’re too nice! I’m amazed at how long you’ve kept up with him though. I know it doesn’t matter now, but gee, good riddance, indeed! I know it must have been hard to loosen your ties, and I’m glad to hear you finally did so the minute he hit you, but girl, you are something else.

  14. CHASE:oh yes definitely! but a think a part of me would be so revolted by the idea of even talking to him!

    MARIE: well i certainly didn’t have any desire to end up with him! LOL! thank goodness!

    KRISTINE: well i’m still waiting for the karma to catch up to him!

    EVI:ha! i wouldn’t exactly qualify that relationship as love. wait for my “first love” post! =D

    SOL:hm… think that was one of our earlier break-ups…yes i focus now on just the good things that happened (i.e., meeting you guys). i accept it as part of what makes me, me.

    TRISH: at the risk of sounding like my DV victims, it happened while he was drunk and it was that one time. to make matters worse, it was at my parents house like at 2 am! otherwise, i would’ve certainly put up a fight! at least that’s what we were known for! ha!

    BUGSY:thank you bugsy.

    KAI: we were actually already broken up when the whole hitting thing happened. like i said, i was already seeing someone else, but he kept on hanging around like some homeless dog. sometimes, the breaking-up is the longest part of the relationship. ugh.

  15. well, i’m sure that asshole, when he looks back at his (then) sorry life, is quite ashamed of what he’s done to you.

    i’ve had my share of an arse ex, too. i wonder if he feels shame. i haven’t heard anything about him though. maybe he’s in rehab or something. hehe.

  16. hi kat! oh what a loser. if you see him by chance, yes do ask for your money back and hit him back. hahaha.

    a**holes bfs are there for a reason…to make us appreciate the good ones. 🙂

  17. Eek what an ass!!!

    I think we all have at least one asshole boyfriend. Makes us appreciate the man in our life today even more!

    If you see him again, whoop his ass. He so deserves it. Grrrr.

  18. I’m hoping you have a hot cup of coffee when you see each other and you can then “accidentally” spill it on his groin in return for punching you in the thigh. What a shitty excuse for a guy …

  19. Blast From the Past!! Man, Kat that was like FOREVER AGO!!! I totally forgot about that clown!

    Next time leave the past where it belongs!! (It makes me dig up memories I’d rather NOT remember, if ya know what I mean!!!)

  20. with a name like Feodor, i wouldn’t be surprised he grew up a hole in the butt. gosh, it even rhymes with inodor-o (uy pinilit) 😀 you’re really much better off without that guy. thanks for sharing 🙂

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